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This may or may not be obvious, but I quite enjoy ranting about things. As such, at some point or another, I decided that, Oh, hey, I think I shall post a list of guidelines titled “How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked” on a certain forum that I happen to frequent. I apparently decided that this list is important enough to copypasta onto here, so here it is, I suppose.

Some of this is only applicable for forums, but I think a lot of this is universal. If you happen to have any suggestions for additions to this list, feel free to email me and I might add it.

Point One: Use Decent English

One of the easiest ways to tick people off is to type with poor grammar and/or spelling. Quite a few people have difficulty understanding anything other than mostly-proper English.

Acknowledge the existence of the shift key, the period, the comma, the semicolon, and the colon. People will often disregard whatever you have to say if it isn't immediately legible, and if they do pay attention, it will probably just be to mock you.

Check your spelling and proofread your post if you are posting anything where people will almost certainly judge you on your writing ability. If you are writing some sort of story - be it fanfiction, original fiction, or non-fiction - or trying to debate with someone, you really want to make a decent impression. Many of the posts on Fanfic Rants are about some sort of unfortunate typo, after all, and avoiding that sort of thing is probably a good idea. Also, for the love of anything, spell your subject correctly.

Point Two: Follow Standard Roleplaying Etiquette if You Happen to be Roleplaying

I would not know why exactly you are roleplaying, but please, be courteous and sensible. What happens in character stays in character; what happens out of character stays that way. Don’t be one of those crazy stalkers.

Point Three: If You Cannot Tell Whether or Not Someone is Joking, Do Not Say Anything At All

If you ignore this point and they turn out to have been joking, then you are going to look like an idiot. Actually, you’re often an idiot if you miss the joke in the first place, unless the joke is really godawful. Same thing goes for sarcasm.

On the flip side, if you are being sarcastic, do everyone a favor and make sure it’s obvious.

Point Four: You Are [probably] Not in Charge, So Stop Acting Like It

Don’t be whiny if someone happens to disagree with you. Do not go yell at whoever is in charge because you do not like someone. Refrain from acting like anyone who gets on OTF Wank or Fandom Wank. You do not want to end up there. People that are absolutely batshit crazy end up there.

And if you happen to be in charge of wherever you’re talking, please realise that you are in charge of a little tiny piece of the internet. Your primary sexual characteristic is not going to be enlarged simply because you have some power on minor little website number 35.

Point Five: Do Not Just Post a Quote Without Your Own Contribution

IAWTC

Point Six: If You Are On an English Site, People Speak English

Translations are annoying to ask for if your post is in, let’s say, Portuguese. Post in English, or at least, post a translation. Also, don’t whine about spelling if it's a regional thing. No one cares about dialog vs dialogue.

Point Seven: Check Your Figures

If you are using percentages, be sure that they add up to 100%. For everything else, be sure you can count or use a calculator if you need to. It won’t take long.

Point Eight: Use That Goop In Your Head

Please refrain from being an ignoramus. If you do not know what a word means, there are online dictionaries. Feel free to use them!

Point Nine: Do Not Change Your Font Color

It is hard to read on some colour schemes, so for the love of anything that cares, do not change your font colour. If you do change your font colour, someone will probably whine about it eventually. If that happens, just stop changing your font colour, rather than bitching about how horrible said person is. It just makes you look stupid.

Bright red does not fit your personality better than whatever else people are using. Your soul does not need black text or 24pt Comic Sans MS. Don’t say it does.

Point Ten: This is not Insanity Land

You are probably not actually insane. Neither are we. If you’re talking about how insane you are, you probably look like an idiot and will be judged to be approximately eleven. Invader ZIM (while a very entertaining series) is not the end all of humour: don’t act like it. Spoons, sporks, cheese, and pie are not inherently funny. (Mullets, however, are.) Find something else to joke about if you need to.

Point Eleven: Do Not Ask Any Question Answerable with Just Fucking Google it

www.google.com. It helps.

Point Twelve: Read the Damn Topic

No, really. Read at least the first and last ten posts, and I recommend trying to read the rest, too, if you have the time. Make sure whatever you are about to say has not been stated already recently.

Point Thirteen: [see below]

... then shut the hell up about it. Nobody really cares, and it’s unlikely that anyone will notice. It’s also unlikely that you actually have/are whatever it is, and if you are drawing attention to it, you are probably pissing people off. Don’t be an attention whore.

Point Fourteen: You Are Probably Not Going to Become in Charge, So Don’t Ask

Somebody may or may not be given power depending on whether or not the person in charge thinks they will do well. You may or may not fit this criteria! Refrain from worrying about it and do not bother anyone in charge of that section of the internet about it. A miniscule amount of power of a tiny section of the internet means nothing.

Point Fifteen: Don’t Make Threads With Stupid Titles

The first half of a sentence is not a good subject. Think of something descriptive that summarizes your topic. Have you ever noticed... is not a good thread title. You know what that title tells me? Very little. It’s probably going to be about something or other, but I have to check the thread to see if it’s anything I care about. Question! is also not a good thread title. What the hell is your question? How do I tell if it's relevant to my interests? Why should I bother checking it?

The larger the area where you’re posting, the less likely it is that someone will check to see what you are talking about if your title is really awful.

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